Writing In Pencil

December 31, 2016
3 mins

I stole this title from the book I am reading.

I have to stop saying, "I would NEVER do.."

Everything is interim. Everything is a path or a preparation for the next thing, and we never know what the next thing is. Life is like that, of course, twisty and surprising. But life with God is like that exponentially. We can dig in, make plans, write in stone, pretend we're not listening, but the voice of God has a way being heard. It seeps in like smoke or vapor or even the we've barred the door against any last-minute changes, and it moves us to different countries and different emotion territories and different ways of living. It keeps us moving and dancing and watching, and never lets us drop down into a life set on cruise control or a life ruled buy remote control. Life with God is a daring dream, full of flashes and last-minute exits and generally all the things we've said we'll never do. And with the surprises comes great hope.
- Shauna Niequist, Cold Tangerines

I find myself staring right at those things I said I would NEVER do and now I am doing them.
I feel like I need to start writing my life in pencil so that I can go back erase what I thought my life was going to be like, and write whats really happening. I guess that's what I am doing here :)

I am trying to enjoy the process of life because it doesn't look like anything I thought it would. It's not worse, just different. I like to use pen when it comes to my life and what I think it should look like {insert big smile with and eye roll}, which is why I am here. I am processing through life now one day at a time. I like to live in the future or what I think life should be like. Where I want to be. I get angry when I come back to reality and I am not in my future life yet.

But that's the thing. My future life will look different in a year from now. In five years from now. It is constantly changing and that is why I have to keep myself in the now and enjoy the gold flecks that I can find in each day, but still have dreams and hopes.

I am learning to write in pencil.

I have God-sized dreams I know can come true but it will be a process to get there, and that processes is choosing to let God lead me. To let God guide me and teach me through being uncomfortable. To LET GO of my sharpie life. To let the smudges of pencil give my life character.

I have been trying to figure out what 2017 is going to look like... haha
My mind goes blank. Dead serious, I can't even try to think of goals I want to reach. I thought I should sit down and write about where I want to be next year. I should pray about it. But here I am finally accepting that 2017 is blank and full of possibilities. Nothing is set in stone, and ANYTHING can happen.

xo Lacie

lacie jaye
Topics in this post